Dont sweat the

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff has been a massive international
bestseller. The story of the title's genesis is recounted by the
author in the introduction. Carlson was asked by a foreign
publisher to get an endorsement for his book You Can Feel Good
Again from bestselling author Wayne Dyer. As Dr. Dyer had provided a
blurb for a previous book, Carlson said he would try and sent out a
request. Time went by and nothing came back, and six months later
Carlson's publishers sent him a copy of the foreign edition. To his
extreme annoyance, the publisher had used Dyer's endorsement of the
previous book for the current one! Carlson wrote a heartfelt apology to
Dyer, explaining that he was trying to get the edition taken off the
shelves. Some worried weeks later, Dyer wrote back with the following:
"Richard. There are two rules for living in harmony. #1) Don't sweat the
small stuff and #2) It's all small stuff. Let the quote stand. Love, Wayne."
For Carlson, the graceful response inspired a super-practical guide that
rests on an ethereal spiritual law: taking the path of least resistance.
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff is no manual for self-perfection, simply a
collection of ideas for avoiding struggle where possible. The 100 strategies,
elaborated in short essays, have apparently proven their worth
among Carlson's clients and readers.
The way of perspective
The book has the quirky good-heartedness and love of people that you
find in the likes of Dale Carnegie and Norman Vincent Peale, combined
with an eastern conception of time and the value of stillness. However,
the real value is in its awareness of the crushing demands of modern
life and the culture in which we live. We might feel good about the
meditation camp we went on or our weekend walk along the beach,
but its effects soon wear off and by Tuesday morning we are again
driving fast, getting angry, and hating our lack of time.
How do we bring that peace and perspective into the moment by
moment of real life? This is Carlson's compelling question, and one of
the refreshing things about Don't Sweat the Small Stuff is that it tells
you not to worry about having bad feelings. Don't try to get rid of
them, it says, but do try to put them into a larger context.
Many of Carlson's remedies are quite simple, others novel. Some of
the interesting strategies among the 100 listed include the following.
Become an early riser
Getting up long before his wife and children gives Carlson a "golden
hour" in which to read, meditate, or think about the day in peace and
solitude. Many have told him that this single act of becoming an early
riser has revolutionized their life.
Let go of the idea that gentle, relaxed people can't be
superachievers
A frantic life of constant emergencies somehow seems to fit our idea of
forceful, achieving individuals. Our idea of becoming more peaceful
and loving seems to equate with a dreamy apathy. However, frantic
thinking and constant movement leach motivation and real success
from our lives. Carlson notes his good fortune at being surrounded by
people who are gentle and relaxed, but who are outward success stories
by any measure. If inner peace becomes your habit, there is ease in the
way you achieve your goals and serve others.
Don't interrupt others or finish their sentences
This is a surprisingly easy way to become a more relaxed, loving person—
try it.
Learn to live in the present moment
John Lennon said that "Life is what happens when we are busy making
other plans." With attention to the present moment, fear—being associated
mostly with an imaginary future—tends not to exist. You may be amazed how easily tomorrow's troubles sort themselves out. Make this
a habit of mind and see life subtly transformed.
Ask yourself the question, "Will this matter a year from
now?"
With the frequent use of this question, Carlson finds himself actually
laughing at things he used to worry about. The energy he once spent on
getting angry and overwhelmed is now spent on his family and creative
thought.
Allow yourself to be bored
Don't be afraid of the vacant moment. You are a human being, not a
"human doing," so just be and consider your boredness. You may be
surprised at how it clears the mind (after getting over the initial discomfort)
and provides new thoughts.
Imagine yourself at your own funeral
This is a super-valuable way of reassessing your priorities now, when it
matters. Not many people, looking back on their life, would be pleased
by how much of it they spent being uptight, with all the "small stuff"
over which they sweated. Ask yourself: What sort of person was I? Did
I do the things I loved and did I really love and cherish those close to
me every day?
Imagine the people in your life as tiny infants or as 100
years old
This nearly always provides perspective and compassion (as well as
amusement).
Redefine a meaningful accomplishment
Instead of always thinking of an accomplishment as an external thing,
ask yourself about the achievements you have made in terms of your
self. This could include, for instance, staying centered in the face of
adversity.
Be open to "what is"
The world is frequently not how you would like it to be. When someone
disapproves of you, even someone close, or if at work there is some
sort of failure, acknowledge to yourself that this is the case, rather than
automatically becoming emotional about it. After some time, things
that once bothered you so much slip by without damage. In many
ways, you are free of them.
Other strategies include:
? Just for fun, agree with criticism directed toward you (then watch it
go away).
? Be grateful when you're feeling good and graceful when you're feeling
bad.
? Be happy where you are.
? Cut yourself some slack.
Final comments
If you are interested in self-help ideas but have no time to read books,
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff may be the best compromise. Though it
looks quite folksy and simplistic, the book is in fact grounded in cognitive
therapy, which shows how closely feelings are the product of
thoughts; by becoming more conscious of what you are thinking, you
are in a position to change your thoughts and therefore your feelings.
"Not sweating the small stuff" is not as cheesy as it sounds. The
esteemed psychologist Abraham Maslow recognized it as a key feature
of what he called the self-actualizing person, a person who has given
up pettiness for an unusually wide view of the world and life.
The layout of the book is such that it can be grabbed when you
have a moment and opened up at any random page for the perspective
or inspiration you need. Free of lengthy argument or anecdote, it condenses
what more learned writing has taken hundreds of pages to say.
If only one or two of the strategies stays in your mind, it will have been
worth reading.