To Soar, Free

"To Soar, Free"
--by Vanessa G. Henke
A cold, blustery winter storm swept my grandparents and I into the warmth of my aunt's living room, where she was hosting her traditional Christmas Eve party. My hat and cape were taken from me, revealing the Victorian party dress, which had been designed and painstakingly tailored just for me. The music lifted me, and chills surged through my body. I was enthralled, ecstatic with the power of the orchestra.
My excitement mounted as I realized that, for a few brief moments, the audience at
the opening night of The Nutcracker at New York City's Lincoln Center was focusing on my performance. At nine years old, this was my long-awaited debut. Any vestige
of uncertainty about my performance had dissipated. I was transformed from a shy
young girl into a confident performer.
Over the years, as my technique improved and I spent increasing amounts of time
each week practicing and performing, I learned to value the discipline required of a
professional. Without so many hours dedicated to practice, I would never have been
able to execute powerful leaps across the stage in performance. In class, or on stage,
the music would pulse through every fiber of my being, my body resonating to every
note of the score. I discovered that discipline and dedication gave me the confidence
necessary for me to refine my technique and style, and to fulfill my potential and
dream – to dance like another instrument in the orchestra.
This past summer, I taught ballet and choreographed dance at Buck's Rock Camp for
the Creative and Performing Arts. There, I discovered that fulfillment can come not only from soaring across the stage, but by communicating what I have learned to
others. I emulated the good techniques of my best teachers, so that my students could find pleasure in dance. For my more advanced students, I offered
well-deserved praise and helped them to refine their skills. For students with less
experience, I tried to foster self-confidence and create an environment in which
they could learn, ask questions and make mistakes without feeling ashamed. The
rewards for my efforts were the students' improved self-confidence and skills.
The discipline I learned during my five years with the New York City Ballet helped me
understand that with freedom comes responsibility. When I performed at Lincoln
Center, I danced across the stage, free, because of the hours of preparation and thoughtful consideration I put into planning classes and rehearsals, inspiring students to be their best. I now have a greater appreciation for the value of my
experiences as a performer, I am a more fulfilled person and I feel confident and
enthusiastic about future endeavors. I will continue to soar, free.
ANALYSIS
In her essay, the author of "To Soar, Free" demonstrates an understanding that if an essay about a "significant experience or achievement" is to be successful, it must
distinguish itself from a pack of surely similar essay topics. Although the author's chosen topic is not all that different than writing about playing sports or performing
other types of art, this essay stands out. The author gracefully highlights the
personal importance of performing and teaching ballet, using her progression in the
art to reflect her personal and physical growth. Beginning with a childhood memory
about her first ballet performance, the author begins to paint a picture for the reader
of just how dance has influenced her life. From there, the reader gets a sense of the increasing significance of this activity, to the point where he or she learns that this
love for ballet has inspired the author to instruct others in her art form. In her final paragraph, the essayist closes with general conclusions about the lessons she learned through dance.
By beginning her passage with an anecdote about her first major ballet performance, the author distances her piece from a more straightforward "what-dancing-means-to-me" essay. Instead of spelling out the reasoning behind her love of ballet, the author encourages the reader to continue reading. Not until the end of the fourth sentence does he or she know what exactly has been causing
the chills and excitement that the author illustrates so well in the opening sentences. With a setting firmly established, the author is then free to proceed with her
narrative. The reader observes the author's love of dance grew more intense as she
got older and became more serious about this activity. Moreover, in the third
paragraph, the author introduces an interesting twist to the essay, as she chronicles
her experiences on the other side of dance, as a ballet teacher at a summer camp. This complication works well at illuminating the way in which the author learns to see that ballet can offer more fulfillment than just that from the thrill of performance.
Although this essay is effective at highlighting the many ways in which ballet has affected the author's life, it lacks flow and does not efficiently link its varied points and ideas. The connection between the second and third paragraphs is especially abrupt. This spot is an ideal juncture to suggest the many ways in which dance –
aside from its direct performance and practice – has influenced her life. Especially in essays about significant personal experiences or achievements, it is extremely
important to make effective use of transitional phrases and words to connect the individual points with the overall theme. Be that as it may, after compiling a solid essay with unique perspectives and dimensions, the author subtracts from her piece
by offering clichéd conclusions in the final paragraph that are easy to incorporate
into any essay of this form. The challenge is to identify and highlight conclusions
unique to the situation.