An Incomplete Story

An Incomplete Story
During the Middle Ages, a ritual existed which dictated how an individual introduced
himself or herself. This introductory process was threefold: first, it demanded that
the individual's religion be named; next, the individual's town or community was
stated; and finally, the family name was said. Even today, this method of
introduction can be effective in conveying the character or identity of an individual.
If I were top introduce myself, I would simply state that I am a scholar (learning is my religion); I am a contributor to the greater well-being of my community; and my family will be determined by my future plans and goals (since family includes, but is not limited, to blood relations).
While my gender is extremely important to me, I first identify myself as a scholar because intellect does not have a sex. Knowledge transcends gender. Therefore, I
am a thinker, a learner, and a scholar. To me, the process of learning is religious. Words are my "bible," teachers are my "priests." I respect and revere words like
others respect, revere, and fear the idea of God. I understand that words are alive
and I must wrestle them down and tame them in order for them to become my own. Hence, I make it a habit to collect words. Then, like bangles and crystals that possess psychedelic and prismatic qualities, I hang the words in my mind for illumination. The meaning of my precious words are revealed to me by teachers ==
not just those who have a "teaching cert
who ignite my senses, who alter my perception of the world; together, as Walt Whitman says, we "roam in thought over the universe," seeking to enlighten ourselves and one another.
The college experience, as I perceive it, in addition to it being the next stop on my journey for self-enlightenment, is to be the crescendo of my intellectual revolution catalyzed by professors who can awaken my mind, ignite my senses, and alter my perception of the world. I hope that my perception of the world will be slightly turned on its head and that I will be made to defend my beliefs and experience the true meaning of intellectual discovery. Thus, my only real expectation for college is to be challenged. I look upon the next four years of my life as an opportunity; I can
either seize the chance and significantly better myself through the accumulation of new knowledge or I can merely go through the paces, achieve good grades, but never really feel the excitement of the words themselves. Obviously, I am looking for the former scenario == a place where mental gymnastics are applauded.
But mental contortions should not be done just for the sake of doing them; rather, they should be understood and applied to everyday life. For this reason, my quest for self-enlightenment is not limited to the sphere of academics because the college experience itself is not limited to classes – it is the formation of the complete individual, which means developing both social and academic personalities. I have confidence that the people I will meet in college will show me and share with me their enormous zest for life. This extended family will help me to forge my identity
as a scholar, as a contributor to my community, and as a member of a family.
But neither my family nor my extended family nor my teachers could comprise my entire identity. Rather, I will remain like the first page of a book with the first line
incomplete – a story waiting to be told. ANALYSIS
Levey's essay is very much a self-exploration of being an intellect. Her idea of emphasizing her love of learning is solid and she clearly has a sophisticated grasp of prose, but the overall package might have done better with a little more understated
elegance. The introduction is intriguing with the use of an unobvious historical fact
about customs in the Middle Ages. She successfully introduces herself and her
perception of her role in the world. The first two paragraphs are an easy read,
except that the use of too many polysyllabic adjectives can become a little bit distracting. Personal essays that are "show me rather than tell me" tend to be more
convincing. What mental gymnastics has she experienced before? W here has
she really pushed for self-growth? The section which describes college as "the next stop on my journey for self-enlightenment" and "the crescendo of my intellectual revolution catalyzed by professors who can awaken my mind, ignite my senses, and alter my perception of the world" is a little bit over the top. You don't have to tell the
reader that college is the next step in intellectual growth, the reader should be able to sense it from the essay itself.