Feel the Fear and Do it any way

"I remember a time in my life when I was frightened by just about
everything—fearful that I would fail in all my attempts to fulfill my
dreams. So I just stayed at home, a victim of my insecurities. I'd like to
report that it was an ancient Zen master who snapped me back into
awareness. But it wasn't. it was actually an Eastern Airlines commercial
that used the slogan 'Get into this world.' When I saw this commercial,
I suddenly realized I had stopped participating in the world."
"Are you a 'victim' or are you taking responsibility for your life? So
many of us think we are taking responsibility for our lives when we
simply are not. The 'victim' mentality is subtle and takes many forms."
Self-help ideas expand our idea of what is possible. They make us
believe in our dreams and think big. "I'm going to do this!" we
say, "I'm going to be that!" No longer will we sell ourselves short.
Nevertheless, waking up to another day and the weight of "reality,"
those dreams suddenly seem more fiction than biography. In two minutes
flat we are rationalizing the life we have now, and the fear that
took a brief holiday is back.
How do we get to the point where pursuit of the dream is our daily
norm? Between the experience of today and the vision is a Grand
Canyon of doubt and fear that stops us dead, and it seems a great deal
easier to turn around and go back to security and routine. But Susan
Jeffers says that people see fear in totally the wrong way. Rather than
being an indicator that you are reaching your limits, it is a green light
to keep going; if you are not feeling any fear, you may not be growing.
Don't deny the trepidation, but take the step anyway—ships were not
designed to stay in harbor!
Following are some key points in Jeffers's philosophy of fearlessness.
Handling fear
There are different types of fear, but one is the killer: the simple but allpowerful
belief that you won't be able to handle something. We won't
be able to handle it if our partner leaves us, we won't be able to handle
it if we don't have a certain income, and so on. The basic work to be
done is to get to a point where you know you can handle anything that
comes your way, bad and good. This sounds like an empty platitude,
but Jeffers' point is that fear is not a psychological problem but an educational
one. You must re-educate yourself to accept fear as a necessary
part of growth, then move on.

Saying "yes" to your universe
Refreshingly, Jeffers does not say that you can totally control your
world. Things happen for reasons of their own. The key to not getting
bogged down in fear is to affirm what is. This not only applies to small
things like losing a wallet, but to more significant ones like pain. Positive
thinking may not make pain disappear, but if you include it as part
of your universe—if you don't deny its right to be—it loses its terror.
Jeffers mentions Viktor Frankl's concentration camp classic Man's
Search for Meaning, which describes some of the most hideous conditions
that humans have had to endure, yet within the barbed-wire
fences the author could still find people who were saying "yes" to it all,
choosing responsibility instead of giving up.
Throughout our lives we are told to take responsibility. We interpret
this as meaning going to college, getting a job, getting a mortgage, marriage.
Jeffers' understanding of it is closer to Emerson's ideal of selfreliance,
that is, being responsible for how you interpret your life
experiences. Hate your job? Then either take a conscious decision to
stay and make something out of it (an emphatic "yes"), or go.
Why positive thinking works
Positive thinking is fine, but it does not reflect reality. It's too
"Pollyanna." This is the common accusation, but Jeffers asks: If 90
percent of what we worry about never happens (as studies demonstrate),
how is negativity more "realistic" than positivity? The fact is
that what is realistic is up to us, depending on how we shape our
thoughts.
A positive mindset will not save you from bad news, but your reactions
to it can be different. Replace "It's terrible!" with "It's a learning
experience." OK, but what about serious stuff, like getting cancer?
Jeffers says that this attitude made all the difference in her own cancer
experience. If the rule applies in such extreme situations, then there is
no excuse for overreaction on a day-to-day basis. We love to denounce
things and be drama queens, but Jeffers says to look at how it
weakens us.
The key to positive thinking, the most elemental yet most overlooked
aspect to it, is that you must practice it all the time. Even Susan
Jeffers, a famous motivational figure, cannot afford to go a day without
positive mental refueling. We won't go without breakfast, or a morning
jog, or a child's hug, she says, so why do we think that a program of
daily positive energizing is optional? Build a collection of inspirational
books and tapes and read/play them daily, she advises. The effect will
probably be greater than you think, both on yourself and the world
you inhabit. Write out your favorite inspirational quotes and keep them
next to your computer, in your car, by your bed. The positivity you
create will start to seem closer to how things should be (to "reality")
than the way you are used to being. The former life will begin to
appear as if it was lived in a gray fog.
Program the subconscious
You can be sure that whatever exists in your subconscious mind will
find a way to express itself in real life. It is therefore crucial to take control
of your mental inputs at every level. One important way of generating
change and overcoming fear, which requires little work or courage,
is affirmations. Jeffers defines these as positive statements affirming that
something is already happening. A statement like "I will not put myself
down any more" won't work. It must be both positive and present. For
example, "I am a confident person in every situation." You don't even
have to believe in affirmations for them to work, as long as they become
your mantra. The mind reacts to what it is fed, whether it is true or
false. We can either listen to our "chatterbox" or to our higher self.
Other points
There are many other good messages in the book, including:
? There is always plenty of time. "The biggest pitfall as you make
your way through life is impatience." Impatience is merely selfpunishment,
creating stress, dissatisfaction, and fear. One has to
trust that whatever one is doing, it is all unfolding perfectly and in
the right time.
? How to make "no-lose" decisions: Stop believing that there is usually
only one "right" or "wrong" way to go. We have to get into a position
where we are no longer hostage to a single outcome, knowing
that the world has endless opportunities for achieving what we want.
? Never be fearful of mistakes. Remember that even the very best
baseball hitters have a .400 average. The best miss six times out of
ten! Lighten up and be happy that you've had the experience, even if
it isn't successful this time. You're a success because you tried.
? On the fear of commitment in relationships: We have to realize that
we are committing to the person and their advancement and wellbeing,
not necessarily to an inflexible union for all time.
Final comments
At the beginning of the book, Jeffers sets out a number of "fear
truths." The most profound is number five:
"Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying
fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness."
In other words, those who never take any risks ironically live with a
dread of something going wrong. They seek security above all else, but
the effect is chronic insecurity. It is actually easier (and infinitely more
life fulfilling) to try new things. The decision to incorporate more challenge
into your life brings a feeling of security because you know that
you can tackle anything.
This type of straightforward insight is typical of Feel the Fear. It has
an empathy that makes you feel you're not alone, crucial given the
sense of isolation that fear causes. And there is a lightness of touch to
the writing that invigorates as you get into the book.
Embarrassed to buy a self-help book? Feel the fear and walk up to
the counter anyway...